For The Male Half of Society... Something Uncomfortable
Periods. Yeah I'm going to talk about them, if you don't want to know then I suggest you stop reading now. You have been warned.
Every single month, (or for some people every week/ten days/three years) us lovely ladies get a reminder of why we wish we had a penis. Imagine having numb legs, ridiculous back pain and migraines for at least four to five days straight or up to two weeks. Oh and to top it off you bleed when you pee. True. Thanks for that one evolution.
Most of my guy mates have said that it can't be as bad as being kicked in the balls, well then perhaps I'll kick you in the balls for a week straight and we'll see if thats still what you think. The worst part of it though isn't the physical pain, it's turning into an irrational dragon woman. Which we know we do, we wish we didn't and we know when its happening, but we can't stop it, its like were possessed by our hormones.
You don't need to give us sympathy, we know you won't ever understand whats going on; unless you turned into a woman, which is cool too. But just a little bit of understanding, and lots of hugs. Hugs are the best. But I do have a few tips on how to handle your sister/mum/girlfriend/local checkout chick when she has her lady business happening.
- Prepare yourself. You're probably going to want a lot of beer after dealing with her for any longer than ten minutes. Stock the fridge, have your mates on the ready and make sure you are prepared to hear some absolutely horrible things be said.
- Always have chocolate. Giving a girl on her period chocolate is the easiest way to communicate. Firstly, she'll thank you (probably after shes accused you of calling her fat because you gave her chocolate), then she'll eat it (which is when you get five minutes of peace) and then happy chocolate enzymes will be in her (you'll get a semi-nice near-normal person back). Brilliant.
- Never ever ever ever say anything bad about her appearance. That would be the worst thing you could do. Ever. Girls are naturally self conscious and harsh on themselves, but during that time of the month; they will literally change outfit twenty times to drive to McDonalds. Even if they do look fat in that top, or they have a huge arse in those jeans; don't say it, don't lie about it, just compliment something else.)
- Watch a rom com with her. Yes, you hate them and most of the time girls do too, but when you have your period you want to watch every bad love story that has ever been told on screen. (Pro tip: Rom com + chocolate = happy lady)
Hopefully at least one dude had the balls to read this. Though if not, then ladies I tried to make them understand, hopefully your next visit from Aunty Flo will be slightly better if they have listened.
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