Pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth.

These are just a few of the reactions you may have to the Nun II.

After the grisly death of a priest, Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) is sent to France to investigate devilish happenstances occurring at a French boarding school. As a prophecy unveils, and an old adversary rises from the shadows, Irene faces an ancient evil hellbent on mayhem.

Where there should be blasphemy and bloodshed there is only boredom. The Nun II bears closer comparison to Sunday service than a spooky sleepover. The Nun II is a shallow, thoughtless experience, devoid of genuine horror and suffering from a boring adversary who’s more interested in playing pranks on schoolgirls than possessing priests.

 Instead of being burnt at the stake, director Michael Chaves (who previously helmed The Nun I, The Curse of La Llorona and The Conjuring 3) is truly guiding the Conjuring franchise into hell - The devil finds time for idle hands! James Wan, and all the joy of his earlier Conjuring movies, having long been long banished to hell in this ninth Conjuring-universe film.

Like the three witches weaving incantations and prophesising doom; Ian Holdberg, Richard Naing and Akela Cooper share a screenplay credit, telling a tale as daft and terrorless as a grocery receipt. Not until the third act of the film do our protagonist and antagonist step foot in the same country, and by then many of the audience will have long stepped into another cinema. Like an ill-prepared vampire slayer, The Nun II has no stakes.

Cinematographer Tristan Nyby and the production team do manage to make the most of the locations, often at the behest of weak direction and poor screenwriting.

 The Nun herself has been vanquished to hell twice before, and perhaps there she should stay. Despite our prayers, she returns pale and ghastly, albeit no more prominent nor malevolent than she has ever been. With her comes the devil himself, a Goatman on stilted legs who is so lamely dismissed that you would have more trouble herding a real goat. Facing these fearsome foes, our cast of human hero’s; Taissa Farmiga, Storm Reid (Euphoria, The Last of Us), Anna Popplewell (The Narnia trilogy) and Jonas Bloquet, find themselves possessed, pushed and petrified, and little else.

 Like a baptism in vinegar, The Nun II assaults the senses with its senseless pacing, incoherent plot, and weak execution. By sitting through the entirety of The Nun II, you will have served a greater punishment than some of the saints have. However, by sitting through this entire film you will be greeted by some genuinely impressive and frightening credits, rife with terrifying atmosphere and creepy imagery – it’s a shame this wasn’t the opening (or entire film).

2/10 testaments