Listen Up

Listen Up

All writers are assholes. I am certain that is true. Bukowski said that? Or maybe another asshole did, but I am certain it is correct. I may not be a writer but I am most definitely an asshole. Sitting here, late at night, in my dingy apartment, writing useless stuff instead of studying or looking after my sick girlfriend, that makes me an asshole. But I give myself points for recognizing it, like a doctor pats himself on the back for diagnosing a disease before it spreads (Long Bow? I will stick with it.) This brief article is something I have stolen from my favourite publication, Monster Children, and one their writers Vaughn Dead, which makes me even more of an asshole. But that’s ok, because I admit it, so it’s fine. Right?

Anyway, I am not a good enough writer to introduce this article, or give reasons behind its singular need to be written. I will just say that I am a glass half empty man, and if its full I will spill it so there is something else to complain about. Albeit I would never say that aloud. And that’s what this list is, a tally of the things you will never hear me, Dechlan Brennan, say. It is long, I grant you, much longer than the list I tried to compile of nice things I could say to relatives. But meh. All writers are assholes.

1.     “I don’t care how much they are, I want those Nickleback tickets”

2.     “I much prefer it when there are more people on the train”

3.     “I can’t get enough of this 40 Degree heat”

4.     “How good are lyric videos on YouTube”

5.     “Do you have any Organic Options?”

6.     “That big silver chain looks really good on you man”

7.      “Hey if you are going clothes shopping, reckon you could pick us up a Fedora?”

8.     “Collecting Reptiles is a really cool hobby”

9.     “A Pitbull is a fine choice for a pet/musical hero”

10.   “I can’t get enough of Reality Television”

11.   “How much better is watching a film on commercial television”

12.   “Just get anything with Tobey Maguire in it”

13.   “I love how you sleep on my side of the bed”

14.   “I would much prefer a Samsung product over my Apple one”

15.   “I respect you more BECAUSE of your Southern Cross tattoo”

16.   “Where is the nearest Java Juice?”

17.   “I can’t wait for the new Adam Sandler film”

-Dechlan Brennan

 

Fairbridge Wrap Up Part 1

Fairbridge Wrap Up Part 1

HyperFest 2014, Midland Oval - Youth Festival NOT A Dirty Word(s)

HyperFest 2014, Midland Oval - Youth Festival NOT A Dirty Word(s)